Do You Have to Smoke and Drink in College?

When I say smoke, I’m pretty obviously talking about marijuana. And the answer to both parts is a resounding NO. You will get pressure to do both these things, I’m not going to lie to you, but it’s not like high school with a bunch of idiots trying to goad you into it like, “Man, she’s such a prude! Come on, just take it!” It’s usually going to be someone legitimately asking. And there is a right and a wrong way to approach the situation.

When somebody asks you if you drink/smoke, don’t say, “I’ve never done it before,” or, “Oh, not usually,” or anything along those lines. That means you’re interested, you just haven’t had the opportunity previously. And EVERYBODY wants your virginity. Your sexual virginity, your weed virginity, your alcohol virginity… Everybody. Wants. It. So don’t make it sound like you’re a doe-eyed innocent waiting to be ravaged. Even if you haven’t tried it before, make it sound like you have. “No, I don’t drink/smoke,” is the safest way to go. Now some people are going to respect that, and other people are going to be assholes and need a reason. You have a variety of options, though, so don’t freak out.

  1. Tell them you’ve had a family member/friend of the family with substance abuse problems, and you’d hate to see yourself spiral into that.
  2. If it’s alcohol, tell them you don’t need the calories.
  3. Tell them you’re going to study later, and you don’t want to have to get drunk/stoned again to take the test. (Studies show that memory is highly based on the state you were in when you first absorbed the material. This is why certain songs remind you of certain things, and why it’s hard to remember things you studied when you were calm now that you’re in the testing space and you’re totally stressed.)
  4. If it’s weed, tell them you were asthmatic as a kid and after feeling like you were being choked by your own lungs, you really just can’t inhale smoke all willy nilly like that. (This is the one I use, in case you were wondering.)
  5. If it’s alcohol, carry around a red solo cup with like water or root beer or juice in it, and pretend it’s beer. It’s ridiculously easy.
  6. If people offer you drinks in cups, joke that you don’t want to get roofied and date raped, cause you just can’t take that kind of stress.
  7. Turn it around on them if they’re being super persistent. “Dude, I really don’t want it, get a fucking life, go find some other poor sap to try to get wasted/deal your drugs to.”

Now, the biggest NO of all is insinuating that you judge people negatively for their decision to smoke or drink. This is a personal decision, as personal as your decision not to, and you need to respect their decision as much as you want them to respect yours.

All in all, if you don’t want to, just don’t do it. If you DO want to, well… I don’t know why you just read through this entire post… Awkward.

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